A lot of people whom have known me before I slimmed down, would ask me what I did, how did I lose weight? This blog post will not be your typical ‘how I lost weight’ blog post, but really just sharing my journey and my feelings on the whole process, well simplified version since I am too lazy to write.
I was not obese, however I was overweight. At my heaviest point, I was 70kg or maybe more? Maybe 75kg? Never have I thought that I would become big sized. I was a fairly normal sized kid when I was younger, a little to the underweight side. When I was 15, I started to weigh more. I guess I was one those girls that had an early growth spurt, so at the age of 17, I was already not growing horizontally, but started growing vertically. I lived with my grandmother, and not blaming her for the reason I was starting to get fat, but living with your grandmother meant good food. It also meant, I was frequently fed, and if I don’t feed myself with the food she made, she will get upset. This was a problem, since I was on my holidays after college and before I flew to the States to continue my degree. At this time, I already saw that I was getting chubbier. Not too bad, I think I was around 60kgs? 62kg maybe? But the jump from being only 52kgs (yes, I am heavy-boned/athletic, so at my slimmer state, I am still not ‘asian’ light), to 62kg was quite rapid!
It got worst when I went to the states. I never thought I could actually become fat. It never came across me. I thought, yea I could be chubby, but I will never become overweight. I’m still 17, I should still be growing right? However, chocolates… cheese.. and a very unhealthy lifestyle hit me. I drank flavored latte with cream and bagels everyday for breakfast, cheese pizza or anything cheap but halal will mean cheese anything for lunch and dinner. I grew, to a size I have never imagine I could become. 75kg!!!
More than the figures on the scale, more than the clothes I couldn’t fit, at one point.. I just hated how I felt sooo much. I was constantly lethargic, I was lazy, constantly hungry, constantly craving for sweets, I didn’t even like to walk. I hated looking at myself at the mirror. I hated looking at the fats that was once not there. In my head, everytime I had to go and bathe, I will look at my fats, wishing I could just go for liposuction, or take a knife and slice my fats away. It was bad.
At this time, I had tried SOOOO many ways to lose weight. I tried so many types of diet. Danish? Atkins? you name it. I tried starving myself, only to eat double the portion after that. Everytime I tried to go on a diet, it would fail. Because, I noticed.. whenever I tried to restrict myself, the bigger my appetite gets! I bought weights, skipping rope, and even a -don’t laugh- sauna exercise suit… I pushed myself to start exercising, with all the ‘exercise schedules’ but ended up not following them, because of the lack of motivation. I would say, there was countless of times where I just failed to stick on a plan, and day by day I got more and more depressed. I just gave up on trying.
After a while, without even trying, I started to lose a little weight. I was back down to 60 something kgs. How did I do it? I never realized what I actually did, until I reflected on it. I used to buy a stash of chocolate whenever we go grocery shopping. Everyday, I used to devour on a few mini bars to reward myself. After reflecting, I noticed that I haven’t been doing so for a while (maybe a few months). That’s when I realized, it was my lifestyle… my true lifestyle that has to be fixed. It could not just be a 2 week crash diet. While figuring what was good for me, what was bad for me.. along the way I had weight gain, and weight loss.. I’m well known for my yo-yo effect. One break I balik Malaysia slim, one break I balik Malaysia berisi.
It took me a while to discover what works best for me. To be honest, I like how the journey went, I love how this journey made me discover myself. I went through a lot…. to learn about myself, about my body.. and I know that I have a long way to go to figure out and maintain this ‘balanced’ lifestyle. Trust me, by balanced.. I really mean balanced. At one time, I was living such a ‘healthy’ lifestyle, drinking almond milk instead of regular milk, avoiding all my favorite desserts, eating only greens— like a cow… basically taking the word ‘healthy’ a little too much. I felt pathetic. I felt like vomiting a lot of times, and feel like I hate myself if I go for a cheat meal.
If I were to answer, how did I get where I am now.. and what advise shall I give, it shall be this. Here it goes:
- Take time to understand how your body responds to certain types of food, or certain changes in your lifestyle. Once you understand this, you would know better what is best for you. Different people have different ways or methods that work best for them.
- Deciding to be healthier is for yourself, if your motivation is to impress other people, don’t do it. I remember back then, I used to HATE coming back to Malaysia during raya for one thing. People criticizing about how big I have become. I hated meeting relatives when they commented on that. But anyways, people can be very judgmental, in whatever you do. So no matter what you do, do it for you. If your motivation is to look more ‘beautiful’, in my point of view.. don’t do it either. The point of losing weight, is not to make you more beautiful, you already are no matter what size. This is a matter of changing your lifestyle, to become healthier. To make you feel happier, light and more efficient.
- As for me, I noticed that eating rice makes me feel a lot heavier. So that is why I try to avoid taking rice as much as possible, because it makes me feel heavy. It wasn’t a problem for me to cut rice, because I was never too fond of it. My source of carb, is bread! I loooove bread. So people usually criticize my food choices, saying ‘tak makan nasi tapi makan roti, what’s the point of dieting’. Well, I’m not on a diet, but yea.. I avoid rice because I know, it doesn’t work for me. I try to keep my bread choices healthy by eating wholemeal, but that doesn’t mean I don’t eat white bread at all. I eat more vegetables, and protein compared to carbs… but I don’t cut carbs at all. On days I feel like eating unhealthy, I minimize my food intake, and try to portion control. Hence, I eat whatever I like. So it’s either I eat healthy, or I portion control… but I never skip meals, nor do I deprive myself from eating things I love. I think it is most important to enjoy what you eat. The more I restrict myself, the more I would tend to splurge on eating more or eating unhealthy,
- Exercise. Moving my butt really makes a change in how my body feels. Whenever I exercise, I notice how I become more positive and my body feels lighter. It boosts my mood, and makes my body feels better. Choose an exercise that you love doing, and change it up regularly so you don’t lose the momentum! I started exercising back in the States, when the BRIC (Bronco Recreation Centre) opened up. They had free zumba, kickboxing, TRX, etc classes. I started to go to those classes almost everyday while I was writing my thesis, since I had not much lab activities anymore. To snap myself out from being a couch potato, or a thesis writing potato, I brought myself to do these classes everyday. It helped me to lose a decent amount of weight (I was finally less than 60kgs —> 56 kgs!) before finally returning to Malaysia for good last year. At this time, I met Katrina.. that invited me into an accountability group. That helped in making me learn about heathy living, that was a foundation to a healthier lifestyle when I finally came back.
- Coming back, with all the foundations I had.. knowing what to do.. I started to lose more weight, and finally broke out of that plateau phase. I am now much more healthy, I love walking… I try my best to exercise whenever I can, it varies from zumba, to running at the gym to weight training using my own body weight. I also now know what food decisions is best for me (although I am also always not choosing the right choices, being in Malaysia— its hard to eat clean). I now am 51kgs, not your asian skinny, but I will like to maintain and stay healthy! NO YO-YO’s!
This whole journey made me learn a few things. I am able to challenge myself beyond what I think I could not do. I used to hate running, because every time I run, I would feel out of breath, and it hurts. I used to avoid running as much as I can. Now, I think I am more fit, I enjoy running at the gym and I gradually am pushing myself to keep running at a longer distance. I learned to be strong, like literally. I was blessed in my ‘gap months’ before starting work, to have met a really good trainer that built my strength (although, I have lost it.. I used to be able to lift heavy weights), but I learned about my potential capabilities in weight lifting HAHA. I also learned not to be too hard on myself. If I lose track, I just need to start doing it again. Changing your lifestyle is a big commitment after all, slowly change it so it would be something consistent. It taught me to be patient and hardworking. Results don’t come out if I were impatient, nor if I do not do something towards getting there. It was a slow journey, a long one, and it is still on going.. but always celebrate the small achievements throughout! YOSHHHH, you can do it!
So yea, I hope this would help you or inspire you somehow or rather. Remember, a healthy mind comes from a healthy body (العَقْلُ السَّلِيْمُ فيِ الجِسِْم السَّلِيْمِ). Stay healthy guys! :D
Love,
AA.
Love,
AA.
